you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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