Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dicks are not precious.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
