I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
