i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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