Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
