I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
