Having a random hookup so left but love u
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
