I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
