Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
