i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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