I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
