Who did Billy Mays play for?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
