I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
