My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
