I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
