i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
