last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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