Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
