You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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