so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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