You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
