When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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