If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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