I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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