I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
BRING THE BAGELS
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
