i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
