The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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