it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
