Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
