roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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