Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
