Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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