It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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