I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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