I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
