Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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