So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
