WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
