is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
