They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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