You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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