Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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