I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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