someone threw a dead crab at me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
