I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
