What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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