11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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