Me too!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
