Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
