I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
