Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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