I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
