party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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