do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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