I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
