Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
