Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
