I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
