did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think my fart just growled at me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
