Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
