But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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