just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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