I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
should my penis look like a turkey
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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