Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
