I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
