Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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