I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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