May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
