phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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