my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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