I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
