Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
nutella sex= disaster
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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